


Motivating Factors

by ShaneVansen



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, F/M, Romance, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:59:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaneVansen/pseuds/ShaneVansen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Audrey might have walked away, but that's not the end of their conversation.  (<i>Countdown</i> post-ep)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Motivating Factors

**Author's Note:**

> Big, _big_ thanks to December21st, who saved you all from some awkward paragraphs and terrible writing. (Trust me, some of it was _bad_.)
> 
> Needs more tweaking and a better title, but alas, time prevents it. If this isn't posted before it's over-written by canon, then it will never see the light of day. (This is how my brain works.)
> 
> Picks up after 4x06 _Countdown_.

The case is solved and most of the precinct thinks she's still recovering from the accident that caused her "amnesia", so Audrey gets away with leaving work early. With Dwight out of town, Nathan, as the highest-ranking detective, is stuck there for a few hours yet. It's not entirely fair, but it doesn't stop her from taking advantage of the situation.

Duke was right that Nathan would have figured it out eventually, but she thought she'd be able to keep her secret for longer than two days. If it hadn't been Nathan's life at stake, she probably would have.

It takes less than half an hour after the end of his shift for him to find her. Of course, Audrey acknowledges to herself as she watches him approach, if she hadn't wanted to be found so easily, she would have picked someplace to be other than the deck of her own apartment.

Hands in his pockets, he leans back against the deck railing across from where she's lounging in the Adirondack chair, pretending to be more at ease than she really is. They just watch each other, until Nathan speaks. "You're half right," he says.

She cocks her head, surprised. "About what?"

"Everything you said in the office. You were right that I should have let you go; the Troubles would have ended, at least for the next twenty-seven years, and a lot of lives would have been saved. And I'm sorry that I shot Howard and messed up the barn and that people have died because of me, but at the same time I'm not because... because you're back now, and you're still _you_. And you're the one I fell in love with, Audrey, not just whatever personality you happen to have."

She knows, has known for some time now, how he feels about her, but there's something entirely different about hearing him say it so matter of factly, like there's no other way it could be. Her smile is completely involuntary. She thinks his might be too.

"But," he continues, "you're wrong that killing me is your decision. _I_ destroyed the barn. _I_ prevented the Troubles from ending for another cycle. _I_ made the deal with the Guard to put it all right and stop the suffering. So it's not your decision. It might not be all mine either, but it's definitely not all yours."

She can't decide if he's the most honourable or the most stubborn man she knows. It probably doesn't matter; in this case, at least, the end result's the same.

Audrey sits up straighter in her chair, one finger pointing at him in accusation. "You couldn't even let me go knowing that I'd be back someday. How do you expect me to _kill_ you, Nathan? There's no coming back from that!"

"I know," he says quietly. "But you're one of the strongest people I know."

"I'm not," she whispers. "Not strong enough for that."

He comes closer, and she twists her legs to the side so he has room to sit on the edge of her chair. "It's a fair trade, Audrey. Maybe I should have let you go six months ago, but that would have only stopped the Troubles for twenty-seven years. You'd be back, but you wouldn't remember anything of what happened before. It's a cycle that just repeats over and over and over. If you kill me, I can make up for the twenty-four people who have died since you left." There's been a dull ache in her chest for as long as she can remember now – ever since she learned what the Hunter really is, she thinks – but her heart breaks a little more when she realizes he's been counting the deaths since her disappearance and placing their blame squarely on his own shoulders. "It won't bring them back, but I – _we_ – will be able to stop anyone from ever dying because of a Trouble again. That's worth it."

On the face of it, it's a logical argument: the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one, isn't that how the saying goes? But she's been relying on instinct to guide her ever since she arrived in this town, and right now her gut is screaming at her that this isn't the way.

Or maybe that's her heart. Either way, she can't do what he's asking.

"I won't do it. And if I had to go into the barn voluntarily, I'm betting I would have to kill you voluntarily too, so whatever idea you have about tricking me into it, it's not going to work."

"Parker—"

"No, Nathan." She lays a hand on his arm. "There has to be another way. We're not working against a deadline this time. We have time to find another way to end the Troubles for good that doesn't involve you dying."

He reaches over to brush her hair behind her ear. "You're stubborn, you know that?"

She smiles up at him. "I may have been told that once or twice."

He sighs, looking resigned, and she knows she's won the battle, if not the war. "All right. We look for another way. But Audrey, you have to promise me that if we can't figure out how to stop the Troubles that you'll do it my way."

"Let's wait until we get to that point." It's not the promise he wants, but it's the best she'll do and he seems to know that.

"Close enough," he murmurs. He slides his hand behind her neck, his thumb resting on her chin, and Audrey closes her eyes as he leans down to kiss her forehead.

"I missed you," she breathes as he pulls away – working with him as Lexie was nowhere near the same thing as being with him as Audrey – and his lips land on her cheek.

"I missed you too." Then his lips are on hers, and she's had enough conversation for one night.

This isn't a goodbye, like their kiss just before she went into the barn had been, or even the one just a few days ago when she'd returned to Haven. It's so much more than a hello. 

It's _welcome home_.

His hand's still on the back of her neck, holding her close. Audrey flattens her palms against his chest, as much to center herself as anything else, before running them up past his neck to press against his cheeks. Nathan makes a sound low in his throat when she passes from clothing to skin, and she wonders again what the past six months must have been like for him without her there, living in a world where he can't feel _anything_. She promises, if only to herself, to make up for that time as best she can.

His free hand slides along her outer thigh and over her hip to the gap between her shirt and pants, and Audrey pulls back with a near yelp when his fingers start gliding up her side. Nathan jerks back to stare at her, confused. "What?"

"Your hands are _cold_ ," she tells him, laughing because of the sheer _normalcy_ of it all, and pulls him back down for another kiss so fast that his apology is muffled against her lips.

She doesn't know how long they've been kissing each other for all they're worth out on her deck, only knows that the chair is uncomfortable and unyielding and that she has a perfectly good bed just steps away, when a deliberate, "A _hem_ " makes it past the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears. Audrey's tempted to ignore it, but she's pretty sure Duke wouldn't interrupt them unless it were important.

Nathan either didn't hear or doesn't care, because she has to put her hands on his shoulders and push him away. "Nathan, wait."

For several seconds he just _looks_ at her, like he's afraid she'll disappear on him again if he turns away. Then he sighs, takes one of her hands in both of his, and twists to face Duke. "What is it?"

"Sorry to interrupt," he says, and there's a teasing smile on his face but she can see the embarrassment there too, "but Stan called the _Gull_ looking for either of you. They found a body."

Her cell's inside. Her partner must have left his in his truck, she guesses.

"We're off duty." Nathan dismisses the message and starts to turn back toward her, but Duke isn't finished.

"You'll want to call him back. Nathan—" Here he hesitates, and Audrey knows this isn't going to be good. "It's Jordan."

He doesn't add any details, but it's clear enough what he means and Nathan stiffens at the news. Audrey's not sure how to feel. Jordan's been out for blood ever since Nathan shot Howard – longer, if Audrey includes the Guard's plans for her in case she decided not to walk into the barn voluntarily – but she and Nathan had had something once. However it had started out, Audrey knows he ended up caring about Jordan and hearing about her death has to be hitting him hard. 

But no matter their personal feelings, this has to be tied up in the whole battle they're fighting; at the least, Audrey knows that the Guard will find a way to turn it back on them.

She squeezes Nathan's hand. "Come on," she murmurs. "I have to get my phone and gun from inside. Meet you at the truck?"

He stands slowly, like he's still processing the news, and reaches for her as she starts to move past him. "Audrey...." He's looking at her like he's lost.

"It's okay, Nathan." She pushes up on her toes to give him a quick kiss, mindful of Duke still nearby. "This'll keep. I promise."

He gives her one last look before heading past Duke on his way to the stairs. When Audrey emerges from her apartment, gun clipped to her waist and phone in her pocket, Duke's still waiting. "I thought maybe I should come with you," he offers, somewhat awkwardly, like he isn't sure he's welcome.

"Thanks," she says, genuinely appreciative. It's a safe bet that Nathan's going to take this hard, and since she'll still have to be Lexie out in public, especially while investigating the death of a member of the Guard, she can use all the back-up she can get. She manages a smile for Duke, even knowing how difficult the next hours are going to be. "C'mon, you can follow us to the scene." She squeezes his arm as she passes by, already wondering if she'll be able to keep up the pretense of her alter ego for long when Nathan's going to be hurting so much.

Of course, if the Guard figure out she's still Audrey Parker, it's his life on the line. If that isn't motivation, she doesn't know what is.

_\--end--_

**Author's Note:**

> Still spoiler free! Thanks for helping me stay that way. :)


End file.
